• Self-Esteem in times of Coronavirus, or how to keep our self-love during the pandemic

    August 15, 2020

    The concept of self-esteem is one usually misunderstood or vaguely known in its entirety, this is mainly related to how ambiguous it is, and how we, as a society gave him traits that are not necessarily related to It. This is particularly problematic when we need attending ourselves, in times of anxiety or simply when we think that we think we are not giving ourselves enough worth. In addition to that, times like ours, were a pandemic has forced us to stay home, and in a constant state of alert, It is easy to feel that our goals for the future have radically stagnated, that we are not doing enough, and on top of that, we are constantly bombarded with news that only contribute to fuel our anxiety through.  Fear of loosing people around us, of being ourselves victims of this situation, in summary, we are truly scared for our future and the one of our closest people. Through this article we would give a general perspective of what self-esteem is, when we should see a specialist, and how to deal better with the effects of the pandemic in our mental health.

    From a general perspective, self-esteem can be defined as an individual’s evaluation of its own worth, this is, how the person perceives itself, either on a good light or as someone unworthy of a variety of things. Smith and Mackie define self-esteem as “what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it”. Under this conceptualization of self-esteem, someone with low self-esteem is someone that considers itself unworthy and/or unsuccessful in its own perspective, this, in the long-term has negative effects in the mental wellbeing of the person, and its relationships with people; affecting their everyday situations. Some signs that might indicate you are suffering from a low self-esteem could be:

    • A constant feeling of not being worth of receiving a good treatment and compassion.
    • While doing tasks, there is a perception that no matter what, you will fail.
    • Interacting with others becomes difficult, social anxiety is constant, and you find very complicated and uncomfortable to open up to others in fear of what they might think about you.
    • Because you consider yourself unworthy, you allow people to cross boundaries that in a normal situation would be seen as “too far”.

    As we mentioned before, the coronavirus pandemic has dangerously increased the amount of stress experienced by population, and specialist point out that a constant state of lockdown might derive into a global mental health crisis as a result of coronavirus. Different factors are involved; in the case of women, the most affected, a survey conducted by Population Foundation in India, increased workload at home, family pressure, and lack of access to sanitary resources are the main contributing factors. The same survey revealed that at least nine out of ten people seek for counseling during the pandemic, alongside, a steep increase in the amount of people reporting suffering from any kind of depression. The most common symptoms reported were: lack of pleasure in doing things, love for, little or no hope for the future, erratic sleep cycles, bad eating habits, low energy, and particularly low self-esteem.

    As we mentioned early, the signs of low self-esteem are related to how we perceive ourselves, nevertheless, due to the constant stagnation caused by the pandemic, we might confuse these symptoms with those related to boredom and even with depression. As a general rule, we should always contact a therapist whenever we feel that our behavior has shifted away from its usual pace, nevertheless, sometimes the changes are so gradual that is difficult for us to correctly identify them. Some of the warning signs that indicate that you might need to seek for psychological health are the following:

    • There is a constant sense of feeling overwhelmed, angry, ignored by the rest, or being taken advantage by the people around you or your partner.
    • In the last weeks you have experienced sudden mood swings
    • You suffer from difficulty to either start or complete tasks and/or routine in general; this can be at work, school, or just self-care.
    • Recently, you have felt alone, lost, and you can’t find ways to help yourself.
    • You constantly try to change yourself in order to fix or do what you consider right from what people say, in order for them to like you or agree with you, even if this is against your own will.

    As It is noticeable, most of these symptoms are hard to notice at first glance, and/or difficult to self-diagnose. In that case, we would recommend to ask your relatives or a close friend if they have noticed mood swings in the last weeks, or to your co-workers, if they have felt you have not been as efficient as always. At the same time, being constantly aware of how we behave in front of other people is important to notice if we are acting according to our will, or we are inadvertently “adjusting” how we behave for people to like us. We know that checking on ourselves can be very exhausting, yet, it is important to mention that mental health is as important as our physical health, and one can be affected by the other as they are not “separate beings”.

    Even though we have provided a general overview of self-esteem, how to identify when we are not aware of a low self-esteem, and the effects of pandemic in our mental health, we must insist that this is not a guide for diagnosis, but just a brief summary and signs of warning. We would recommend those readers that think there is something wrong with how they perceive themselves to attend to a certified psychologist and ask for diagnosis and orientation. Self-diagnosis is dangerous, and we highly discourage It. As we mentioned, mental health is just as important as your physical health, and we should treat It in the same way and pay as much attention for both.

    Sources:

    1. https://www.thehealthsite.com/diseases-conditions/stress-diseases-conditions/covid-19-mental-health-fallout-women-more-stressed-than-men-during-lockdown-762764/

    2. Smith, E. R.; Mackie, D. M. (2007). Social Psychology(Third ed.). Hove: Psychology Press. ISBN 978-1-84169-408-5.

    3. https://blog.zencare.co/therapy-low-self-esteem/#:~:text=Signs%20that%20it%27s%20time%20to%20seek%20therapy%20for%20low%20self-esteem&text=You%20are%20experiencing%20mood%20swings,to%20how%20to%20help%20yourself

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  • How to recognize when my self-esteem is not at its highest?

    August 10, 2020

    The last time you read us we talked about the notion of self-esteem, what it really is, and why it is important. We finished our on-line conversation with some considerations about how useless it’s the verb “should” in your life and how when you think constantly on the thing you “should” be, do or achieve, you are deteriorating your self-perception. In consequence, you are losing confidence in the process, so you do not feel able to do some other stuff, falling in the vicious circle: failure – loss of confidence – failure again. In the next article, we will try to help you to think out of the box to show you new thinking to free you from the mental chains you have put on yourself.

    When I think of all the things that I “should” be, do or achieve, this causes a devaluation of my competencies and takes me away from who I really am. These are the perfect ingredients for self-esteem for failure. If you have felt identified in what we just said, take note of this.

    Probably everyone has gone through a similar process, but you, and only you, should know to what extent this is affecting you, to what extent you are putting your happiness, and that of the people around you, at stake.

    You should know that despite your efforts and sacrifices, you will not be able to reach your IDEAL SELF because it will get bigger, fatter, and uglier, and it will be that guy who stares into your eyes and will tell you every day: “you are useless ”. It is up to you to continue feeding it with your attitude or to put it once and for all aside. If you don’t, this monster will judge you and reproach you for everything that you are not, so we invite you to stop the world once every day, calm down, meditate on what you are learning and begin an exercise of acceptance.

    Are you really accountable for what happens in your life?

    Let’s do the following exercise together. Look at the table below:

    Internal ascription

    External ascription

    There are two columns, in one it says, “internal ascription”, in the other “external ascription”.

    The concept of ascription refers to the fact of cataloging the responsibility of an event as our own or that, instead, it has occurred due to something external to ourselves. That is, whether or not we have part of the responsibility for what happened.

    Internal ascription means that an event is attributed to us, therefore, to our efforts or decisions, then we can say that we are responsible for what happened. Whether it was good or bad, success or failure.

    On the contrary, external ascription means that we attribute what happened to something that is beyond our possibilities, beyond our reach. Remember that it is just a belief, it does not have to be true. It is what we think about who or what is responsible for the events that happen to us.

    All of us catalog our life experiences in one way or another, but until we make use of self-knowledge, we do not realize what we give more weight to, internal or external ascription.

    Well, we want you to put in each column some important successes in your life, and also, some failures. Successes can be academic degrees, making someone happy, having earned money, learning a language, traveling to a beautiful country or city, or simply having met someone wonderful.

    On the other hand, failures could be not having got a job, not having traveled to that country, failing a course at school or, for example, having hurt someone you love. In short, those things that we believe are a failure.

    It is enough to write 5 or 6 experiences, you don’t need more. Once finished, we want you to look at what you wrote in each column. If you see more good things or successes in external ascriptions, you consider that many of the successes are not due to your efforts. The same happens with experiences that you consider failures.

    We are absolutely sure that some of your successes are placed in the external ascription column, but that it may not be the right place for that experience. We ask you to think and evaluate if you are 100% sure that you had nothing to do with that successful experience. Possibly you consider that much of what happened was due to luck, someone else, the moment, etc. … any reason to think that it was not because of your efforts, your abilities, your skills, or your courage.

    Think about what you have written in the columns and, if you want, share it with someone you trust and who was there when that experience occurred in order to receive feedback from another person. People who have efficiency problems also have self-esteem problems, possibly due to having a distorted “internal conversation”, focused on the external ascription of their successes and an internal ascription of their failures.

    https://twitter.com/_SelfEsteemTeam/status/1232361616827613184

    Pathological criticism and the lies we tell ourselves

    We have all criticized ourselves at times, recognizing this behavior brings us closer to change and improve, it is part of the path to self-knowledge. It is not a big deal. However, to help you process these types of thoughts, we suggest that you do the following exercise:

    • Identify those thoughts by writing them down in a table with two columns, the critical thoughts that cause us tension, and other alternative thoughts that calm us and help us feel good.
    • We know, you will not believe in alternative thoughts. Alternative thoughts don’t have to always be true, but who said critical thoughts were?
    • We are doing an exercise in self-knowledge, write an alternative and positive thought, write what comes to your mind, you can always cross them out. Trust yourself.

    Pay attention to the fact that pathological criticism prevents you from reaching your goals, consumes the energy you have, lashes you, enslaves you, and takes you away from that vision that you must have of yourself for successful self-esteem.

    Do you call yourself things like ugly, stupid, selfish, or failure?

    Let me tell you that that echo, those words, and those thoughts, is not you. One day you learned them, possibly they represent your mother, or your father, or some insensitive teacher. It is a complicated matter, but once you understand it you may feel hatred or anger for them. They are not to blame, and neither are you!

    Pathological criticism emphasizes and underlines the aspects that you do not have and ignores those that you do have. Staying attached to our biased beliefs of what we can do turns into a thick fog that prevents us from seeing our true skills.

    One thing that this type of criticism ignores is that there are psychological and personal development methods and techniques that help you change, achieve your objectives and goals, make your dreams come true, and therefore, be happy. It makes you forget who you really are. It is too much noise in your head, many years with the same phrases that you repeat over and over again. Chains that enslave you.

    Have you ever considered that maybe it’s time to look for a change?

    Characteristics of pathological criticism:

    • It is false because it is exaggerated
    • It confuses and stuns you because it is a lie
    • It is pushy and repetitive but completely useless. It never helps you
    • It is irrational, although sometimes it is hard to believe it.
    • It is normally toxic
    • It causes us discomfort, anxiety, tension
    • It takes us away from our goals
    • It makes us unhappy and we also make others unhappy

    Surely this section will strongly attract your attention, just as questions such as: “How much self-esteem do I show to have?”, “Is it low or high?”. But self-esteem is not a number, although tests assign quantities to these categories of our behavior in order to “measure” how close you are to improving.

    HD wallpaper: self love, heart, diary, hand, keep, forest, self ...

    If you recognize two or more of these symptoms, ask for help

    Our body is wise, so when we express nervousness, anxiety, or fear, something is happening, although something bad does not have to be happening. Remember that self-esteem is cognitive in nature, therefore it depends entirely on our beliefs, on our way of thinking. Next, you will see different typical disorders of people with low self-esteem. You still feel identified with some of the symptoms, but that does not mean that you have any disorder.

    Anxiety

    First of all, we will tell you something that may surprise you: anxiety is not a disease. Anxiety is an excessive and subjective reaction of fear to a situation or stimulus that in principle is neutral for any other person and that we feel we are unable to cope with. Everyone has suffered anxiety at some time, it is a normal reaction if, for example, your job is at stake, your partner is going to leave you, or a suspicious person is watching you on a dark street.

    The problem arises when it occurs repeatedly throughout our lives and in situations where absolutely nothing is happening to you, for example, when you take a leisurely walk through a park with your partner, when you get in the car to go to work, or when it’s time to eat. An anxiety reaction appears when an irrational fear invades us (which does not correspond to reality) and we feel that we are not able to face it so that we become paralyzed or flee from what is generating fear in us.

    An example of this situation is the following scenario: Susan is a 45-year-old woman who, after her divorce, feels fear and anxiety when she goes out on the street. Sometimes she is paralyzed and terrified, unable to recover on her own.

    Anxiety is a disabling disorder that deteriorates the quality of life of people who suffer from it. People with low self-esteem feel that the situation they experience overcomes them, they are not able to face daily challenges, for this reason, they constantly experience fear and nervousness, and some people, to compensate for their fears, become demanding, exert themselves excessively and they make the mistake of placing their own judgment of their identity and skills on others.

    In general, they try to please others by assuming responsibilities that are not theirs in order to feel that everyone around them is okay.

    Anxiety disorders also include obsessive-compulsive disorders, which happens when these people have feelings that fluctuate between guilt, worry, and perfection. People with low self-esteem have a mixture of three feelings that causes them to be almost constantly in a wheel that they cannot get out of.

    • When they remember something from the past, something they should have said or done, or something they just didn’t do, they feel guilty.
    • When uncertainty invades them, when fears of what may happen to appear, they experience enormous concern.
    • When they try to do a task, they tend to be perfectionists to avoid possible criticism from others.

    Depressive symptoms

    The symptoms of depression are well known, although a person who suffers from them does not necessarily have to suffer from depression. Sadness, apathy, disappointment, discouragement, anhedonia, or feelings of frustration and hopelessness characterize this disorder. A person with low self-esteem feels that things are getting out of their hands, that despite being able to change something and improve, they do not do it because they cannot find triggers for their motivation.

    Addiction and avoidance disorders

    Drugs are commonly used by people with low self-esteem, as well as a shy and withdrawn demeanor.

    Drugs keep these people away from facing their fears and difficulties, they take refuge in drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana to go unnoticed.

    Sexual problems

    A situation as intimate and close as sex is something that, to people with low self-esteem, can seem like a terribly difficult process.

    They feel withdrawn and think they are failures. They are unable to claim that they have been able to give pleasure to another person, even if they have not done it as they had imagined they would, they feel guilty. They are easily manipulated in these contexts. The opinion of the other person seems very important to their assessment. They put the other’s pleasure before their own and in some cases, they are unable to reach orgasm.

    https://twitter.com/_SelfEsteemTeam/status/1230805564638269446

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  • Why self-esteem is so relevant?

    August 8, 2020

    Self-esteem is a very wide term and possibly everyone knows or can tell us something about it. For this reason, it has often been underestimated, and even the subject is discussed without the importance it has in our professional projects. We talk about it in the offices, in romantic relationships, and on the street, ignoring the practical aspects that make this concept a very important tool to apply it in many areas of our lives, including the professional one.

    Unfortunately, some psychologists have built a fence limiting it only to the clinical field, but its application in different contexts makes it a very important tool. We could consider that healthy self-esteem is the main pillar of a successful entrepreneur, the essential point from which your reputation starts.

    Definition of Self-Esteem

    When we start talking about self-esteem, we can resort to the generalized or etymological concept with which this concept is understood, and there is nothing better than dividing the word to understand its etymological origins.

    • Auto: means oneself. What we do to ourselves or by ourselves
    • Esteem: value something or someone and respect or admire it.

    As you can see, self-esteem is the ability to recognize our value, accept and love ourselves, satisfied with who we are and what we do. A person with healthy self-esteem recognizes the value that each person has for himself or herself, regardless of their appearance, abilities or disabilities, strengths or weaknesses, good choices or mistakes that they have made in life.

    In the same way, a person with healthy self-esteem also has and shows those values ​​for himself or herself. This type of person believes in themselves, in their abilities, and they accept both the good and bad that they have. Since language and thought are very close, the way we see and direct ourselves is also the way we do it towards the others, and vice versa. That’s why everybody should know that a person who acts with envy, in bad ways, and with aggressiveness, usually also communicates herself in that way, and faces her challenges with the same attitude.

    Look, an important fact of healthy self-esteem is feeling independent of what others think about you. We value ourselves without letting other people’s opinions make us change our happiness and our goals. If we direct ourselves with a positive attitude, surely, we will also do it with other people and that is something that others notice. A good tone of voice, looking into the eyes, and doing active listening will make us seem as balanced people and confident in our decisions, something that for our reputation is pretty good.

    The key is learning more about who we are

    As human beings, we have the unique ability to value ourselves by generating our own beliefs, something that animals cannot do (scientifically proven, at least until now). Therefore, the beliefs that come from our experiences and the assessment of our capacities are fundamental to be able to work on us effectively.

    On the other hand, it is of little use to cling to any belief about us if it is not linked to helping us reach a version of ourselves as efficient and successful people. Surely you have already heard many times that the barriers of life are more inside us than outside, that we are responsible for our happiness. Well, that phrase would be essential for us to understand to become persons capable of changing our present and future. The judgment we make about who we are will determine the value we also have towards others, and this is very important, because a good social relationship with other people, a wide circle of friends, makes our self-esteem rich and vigorous.

    Let’s start by understanding that what we first see about ourselves and the first thing others see about us is our physical appearance, our image. Since we live in a stressful, impatient, and appearance-dominated world, most people are not happy with their bodies. Material things have a tremendous value in today’s world, and it turns out that the image is something material. This self-demand is typical of poor-quality self-esteem. It seems that this rhythm of life makes us behave like this, always wanting what we do not have.

    Psychologists do not mean that it is unimportant to have a good appearance, the real problem is that unfortunately we give too much importance to this aspect and neglect the others. An attitude of acceptance of our physique begins to change the way we see ourselves; it is the first step to develop healthy self-esteem.

    In this way, when you begin to accept yourself as you are, the change in you begins to work. Instead of starting desperately to change your image, analyze who you are, how you are, and what you want to improve. Many successful people end up wearing or combing as they please, wearing a hat or an earring in the ear, and they still seem serious people at work, showing their charisma and authenticity with their image. Two important characteristics of any personal brand. That is why if you do not like your body, it means that you do not accept it, but you are your body and if you do not accept it, you are rejecting an important part of yourself that characterizes and defines you.

    Think of some ugly and bad-looking politician, despite this unflattering image we feel that he is a self-assured person, with character and capable of leading and making serious decisions.

    Start by accepting your image, there will be time to improve it in the future

    One way to work on our self-image is to draw the following table dividing what we want to change from what we do not, analyzing the results, and acting accordingly on the results recorded.

    I can change it

    I cannot change it

    I want to change it

    Change it

    Accept it

    I do not want to change it

    Love it

    Watch it

    Sometimes when we want to change something in our life it is important to distinguish what is within our reach from what is not. In this way, we will focus on what depends on our attitude and our decisions, proposing resolution strategies adapted to clear objectives. Avoid wasting energy on something you cannot change.

    At this point, we already know that self-esteem is a set of beliefs, values, and perceptions that we have about ourselves and our capacities. Well, these beliefs are built from relationships with others, finding their critical period in childhood. Around the age of 4 or 5, we are very vulnerable and that is the point when we begin to create our concept about ourselves.

    We base those beliefs on the way we relate to each other both at home and at school. Parents and teachers have a very important role at this young age. We realize what they think of us, how they act with us, and what consequence that behavior has in our lives. That is why it is very important to receive a correct affection, not overrated, neither with an emotional nor an affective deficit. Any alteration in the development of a child can affect his self-esteem and consequently his future life, his way of behaving, seeing the world, and the others.

    For these reasons, emotional education is recommended in schools, since this would not only help children but also their parents. Undoubtedly, it is possible to affirm that a bad education, based for example on guilt, threats, criticism, excess or lack of protection, has unknown consequences in the adult life of the child.

    If, on the contrary, we grow in an environment where we are rewarded for our efforts, adults use a communication based on empathy, there is respect, affection, and dedication, we will grow with greater skills and resources to be a successful person in the future. We will have an idea of ​​ourselves much closer to success.

    5 ways to build lasting self-esteem |

    Why some people succeed in their self-esteem and others don’t?

    Every day we receive news on television and in magazines, about how wonderful and great soccer players, actors, musicians, and anyone else we consider to be “success” are.

    Why then do some celebrities commit suicide or end up using drugs if it turns out that they “have it all”?

    They are not happy. They have problems and concerns like us. Healthy self-esteem does not understand money or celebrities, we must all be careful.

    Celebrities have been given an example because most people believe that they are better and happier, we do nothing but compare ourselves with them, and this evaluation of ourselves is poorly conducted. We tend to look at disabilities, imperfections, or mistakes because we simply do not run like a footballer or we are not as beautiful as that actress.

    It is about being happy, we should not compare ourselves with others. We must put our wishes, our authenticity, and our interests above others.

    We focus too much on “struggling” to look like what we are not, to achieve our IDEAL SELF.

    When your daily efforts are aimed at pursuing an image that you have created of who you would like to become, and you put your happiness before that idea, I am sorry to tell you that something is wrong in your way of acting. We do not say that you do not have to fight to be a better person, to achieve your goals, but do it from the love of what you want to achieve, and from the fact that the very path you are going to travel already makes you happy. If you seek perfection in all things, it may not be the path that will make you grow.

    In this process, the words with which we refer to the world, to our dreams, and ourselves have special importance.

    For example, “should” phrases are part of self-demanding phrases that deal with something that has already happened or is about to come. If you use these words a lot, it is that you must improve your self-esteem, since you do not address yourself with a positive, conciliatory attitude, but rather one of recrimination and criticism.

    The past is important if we learn from it, it does not help at all if we remember it to suffer. It is enough to change these phrases that you have been saying to yourself for years to write down more positive, constructive, and practical ones.

    Tell me if you feel identified with some of these phrases:

    • I should have to try harder
    • I should have answered something
    • I should do as “such and such person” does
    • I should look like …
    • I should get up earlier still

    Note that all sentences begin with that verb tense: should.

    This verb should cease to exist.

    Since we are children (you know that is where our self-esteem is forged) we have already heard too many phrases with “you should”, and as adults, we address ourselves using the same verb:

    • I should be slimmer, stronger, have a nicer ass, huge breasts …
    • I should have studied more, speak two languages, etc. …

    These types of phrases lead us to dissatisfaction, which is nothing more than trying to achieve objectives by resorting to a extrinsic motivation. When we are adults we have a “backpack” full of “failures” and “you shoulds” because I am not the person I wanted to be, the person I dreamed of, the model I imagined in my head. Someone unreachable, a fantasy.

    The conflict arises when we realize that more and more we are further from our REAL SELF. The one who is more human, imperfect, and close. This instability generates tension and anxiety. Some people buy impulsively, who compulsively go to the gym and buy countless products to satisfy that need in a couple of days and the worst thing is that they fail. Their frustration increases, and overall, they feel worse than at first.

    That’s why initiatives like this blog are so important to reproduce, to get to more people and, maybe, help them to improve their self-image on the way.

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